


You

by romanticalgirl



Series: Sentence Structure [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 15:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 9/4/99</p>
    </blockquote>





	You

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 9/4/99

Xander paced the length of the waiting room, his arms behind his back. He counted the number of steps it took for him to make it across the room. He kept getting the same number, but he wasn't quite willing to believe it yet. The guy sitting on the small couch behind him could barely suppress a grin.

"Your first?" 

Xander looked up, surprised. "What?" 

"Is it your first? You look pretty young, so I'll go with yes." He shook his head. "I was the same way. Nervous, excited, couldn't keep still." 

Xander sat next to the guy, staring at him. "How'd you handle it?" 

"Well, lets just say you won't be the first person to cause them to have to replace the carpet." He laughed and stuck out his hand. "Jack Seldon." 

"XAlexander Harris." 

"My wife, she's having our third." He laughed. "I never thought I could love her more than the day the first one came. We named her Amber. And the second, well, that's Thomas. When he came, I realized that it kept getting better. The love, the life, the kids." 

Xander marveled at the light shining out of his eyes. "Three, huh?" 

"Yeah. And you, this is your first?" 

"No." He laughed at his surprised look. "Willow'sMy best friend's first." 

"Not yours, hmmm? So why are you pacing all by yourself?" Jack got up and walked to the coffee machine. "Where's the guy?" 

Xander shrugged, not wanting to talk about Oz. "Don't know. Don't care. Well, I do care. He was my friend too, but there was some stuff, he couldn't handle, so he's gone and I'm here with her, so she won't be alone." 

"Why aren't you in there, then?" 

An ill look passed over the younger boy's face and Jack laughed. Xander ran a hand through his hair. "No. No, that's not me. Another friend is in there with her, and she'll give her all the strength she needs. Buffy's got strength to spare. Me, I've just got nerves." 

"Xander?" 

Both men looked up as Giles hurried toward them. "Hey Giles." 

Jack nodded to the librarian. "You her dad?" 

"Pardon?" 

Xander shrugged. "Yeah. He's her dad. Can't miss his grandkid's birthday, can you Rupert?" 

Giles was obviously confused until he realized explaining why the school librarian was here might be a bit complicated. He managed a timid smile. "Yes, I'm quite excited. My first grandchild." 

"Boy or girl?" Jack asked. 

"Uh, we don't know. Willow wanted to be surprised." 

All three men looked up as the doors swung open. The nurse motioned for Jack. "Mr. Seldon? You have another lovely baby girl." 

Jack beamed, his face alight with pride. "A girl. Can I see her? Them?" He turned back to Xander and Giles and waved. "Hey, I like the name Willow. You think she'd mind if I borrowed it?" 

"No. Go ahead." Xander tried to keep the tears that stung his eyes from falling. Giles sat beside him and patted his knee. 

"How are you holding up?" 

"Okay, all things considered. She's alone and she's scared and she's going to have to do this all by herself. But she's Willow, so she's strong and smart and confident." 

"She's not alone or all by herself." Giles stated. "We're all beside her." 

"It's not the same." Xander stared down at his hands, wondering why things weren't easier. "She won't let me help her because she thinks I'm doing it because of the baby." 

"And you're not?" 

He refused to rise to the bait. "No. I love her. I've loved her for a long time. Every kind of love imaginable. And I want to help her and hold her and" He stopped, looking up when he realized Buffy was standing over him. His brown eyes searched her blue ones. "Well?" 

"Come and see for yourself." She took both of them by the hand, leading them down the hallway to Willow's room. 

She let Xander go in first. He looked her over, taking in her sweaty hair, her face glistening with dampness where Buffy had wiped it with a cool cloth. She looked stunning. "Hey, Wills." 

Her green eyes were luminous. "Xander, I have someone I want you to meet." 

He stepped closer, his heart beating double time. Nestled against her breast was the smallest head he'd ever seen. It was flushed red with soft, pink lips that suckled her nipple. His mouth moved, but no sound came out. His Willow was a mother. "You're beautiful," he finally managed. 

"Come here." She reached out a hand and he took it, holding it tightly. He let her pull him towards the bed, his heart in his eyes. Questions tumbled around in his brain. 

"Wills"

"Xander, I want you to meet Juliana." She met his gaze and smiled. "Juliana Harris."

*****

He looked down at the wisps of hair on her baby's head, fighting the emotions that threatened to consume him. He reached out a tentative hand to feel the soft, velvety skin. "I'm not just gonna marry you to give your baby a name." 

Willow frowned slightly. "She has a name. Juliana Rosenberg. But I would very much like her to be Juliana Harris." 

Buffy squeezed Giles' hand, intending to lead him out of the room. She stopped as she turned around. 

Oz smiled shyly. "Hey." 

Willow looked away from Xander's gaze at the sound. "Oz?" 

"Heybaby." He drank in the sight of her holding *his * child in her arms. "I came as soon as I got the message." He nodded to Xander. "Thanks." 

"Yeah." He stroked the baby's soft head once more before backing away. "WeUh, IYou guys have a lot of catching up to do, um, so" He swallowed hard. "She's really beautiful, Will. Congratulations." 

Xander brushed past Buffy, Giles and Oz as he left the room. He made his way back to the waiting room, his heart heavy. He'd done the right thing. Oz was the father and he needed to be here. He needed to get over his fear of what he might do during the full moon and be a father to their baby. Willow deserved at least that much. 

Buffy approached him cautiously. "That was a really nice thing you did there, Xander." 

"That's me, Xander Harris, all around nice guy." 

"You didn't have to do it." She sat next to him and took his hand. 

He sighed. "Yes I did, Buffy. You know as well as I do that I had to. I was the only one who knew where he was. I wasit was a test, I don't know who was putting me through it, but it was a test. And hopefully I passed, and hopefully they'll be happy and I'll be miserable for the rest of my life, because I keep having to give up the girl that I love to the guy that she loves." 

"Xander, you know that's not true. I mean, you know that she loves you." 

He smiled; trying to pretend it didn't matter. "It's okay, Buffy. I'm okay with it. He's who she needs." 

"I don't know that that's true." She held his hand tightly, trying to stop him from getting up and leaving. 

He stood and looked down at her. "I do. I do." Clearing his throat, he took his hand from hers. "Anyway, thanks. For coming to talk to me. I'll be okay though. I will. I'm gonna go get some food now. I haven't eaten for a while." 

"Okay. I'll see you in a bit." She watched him walk down the corridor, his whole demeanor defeated. Something told her he wasn't coming back.

*****

Oz sat gingerly on the side of the bed, staring in awe at the baby in Willow's arms. He reached out a trembling hand, unsure if he even had the right. 

"Do you want to hold her?" Willow's voice was quiet but he could hear the distrust in it. 

He'd left without much explanation, hoping that the letter he left her would suffice. He'd been afraid. He was ashamed to admit it. He'd handled everything the Hellmouth had thrown at him, but he couldn't handle the thought of Willow having his child. He couldn't take the responsibility of what might happen while he was in werewolf form. He couldn't "You sure?" 

"She is your daughter." 

He let her place the baby in his arms and a sense of wonder swept through him. *This * was his child. His child with Willow, the most wonderful girl - no, woman - in the world. She was just minutes old and he'd already let her down. "She is beautiful, Willow. The second most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He couldn't tear his eyes away from the small form in his arms. "Did everything go okay?" 

"Yeah. Xander brought me to the hospital last night when I started having pains. But I didn't go into labor until this morning." 

"I'm glad he was there for you. Although, I knew he would be." 

The silence was thick between them. Finally, she spoke. "Why did you run away, Oz? I thought you would be able to handle this. I thought I could count on you." 

"I thought you could too, Willow. But then I started thinking about mycondition. And it scared me. I'm never 100 percent in control. I'm never"

"Are you here to stay?" Her voice was small, as if she already knew what his answer would be. 

"No. If I stay, I'll want to stay forever. And I can't let that happen." He rubbed the small fingers between his larger ones. "I'd like her to know about me. Not necessarily as her father, but as her Uncle Oz, maybe?" 

"I see." Her voice was now milky with tears. He cursed mentally; knowing this was all coming out the wrong way. 

"Willow, let me start over? I love you. I'll always love you. And I love this little girl in my arms. But I can't be the father she needs or the man you want. Besides, I think if you're honest with yourself, I'm not the man you want. He's the man you want raising your children. He's the man that, given a choice, would be listed on the birth certificate. It doesn't mean you love me any less, just that you love him more." 

Tears glistened in her eyes. "How can you walk away? I don't understand how you did it then and I sure as hell don't understand how you're going to do it now. You've held her in your arms, Oz. She's your flesh and blood"

"And you're my soul." He carefully placed the baby back in her arms. "But I don't have the strength you have, Willow. I never did, I never will. My ambition is a guitar chord." 

"You're more than just your ambition." She refused to look at him, refused to watch him walk out of her life again. "You could be whatever you want." 

"But I can't be what you want." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead then the baby's. "I love you Willow."

*****

Xander bounded down the stairs and swung the front door open. He stopped short when he saw her. "Hey Will." 

"Hey. I was hoping you'd come by and see me again." 

She was wearing normal clothes, albeit slightly baggy ones. He looked all over for the baby, surprised that she was nowhere in sight. "Where's Juliana?" 

"Buffy and my mom are" she shuddered. "Not ever babysitting after this." She grinned at him, but the smile didn't completely reach her eyes. "Why didn't you come by?" 

"I figured you had a lot going on. Baby, Oz, Giles, Buffy, your folks, Buffy's mom, Angel, Cordeliathe whole gamut of Willow worshippers coming to see the new little bit of Willow you brought into the world." 

"I had a long talk with Oz." 

"Oh? Good, good, I'm glad. You guys lolove each other, Will. That's the important thing." 

"We do," she nodded. "But that's not really what we talked about." She looked over his shoulder into the house. "Can I come in?" 

He stepped back so that she could enter the house. He led the way to the living room, trying not to remember the day she told him she might be pregnant. The day he realized he would give up anything - everything for this girl. "Are you"

"Hush. Let me say this then you can say whatever it is you need to. Please?" She looked at him, resolve face on. When he stayed silent, she nodded. "I love Oz. I'll always love him. But he's made a decision not to be involved in my life or the life of his child. And that's okay. I don't really understand or agree with his reasons, but I'm not going to try to force him to be in a situation he doesn't want to be in." She sat down on the sofa, her hands clenched in her lap. "I never expected to see him again. And I was okay with that. Because I realized even before he left that he wasn't my future. Baby or not, Oz wasn't the person I wanted to be with the rest of my life." 

He started to open his mouth. She put her finger against his lips. 

"I knew that the day I met you. I knew you were the person I was going to be with the rest of my life. Even if it wasn't together, I knew. You said it the night we first kissed. I had to face it, we were going to live in neighboring rest homes and I was going to have to keep taking care of you. I knew it the day I told you I thought I was pregnant. I knew it when you said you'd be with me, no matter what. I knew it when I kissed you. I knew, without a doubt, that you, Alexander LaVelle Harris, are my daughter's father." 

He closed his eyes, trying with all of his might not to kiss the finger she still held against his lips. 

"I thought that day that we both understood. I thought you would always be there for me, you would always love me and you would always be the one I loved. I would always be the one you loved. That in the end whether it was life, or death or anything in-between, Willow Rosenberg always belonged with and to Alexander Harris. Always. If you're telling me that's not the truth, that you're just going to be weird Uncle Xander, well, that is just not acceptable. If you're going to be in her life, then I need you in mine. Because I can't just have you be there for her and not be there for me." 

Her eyes were filled with tears as she finally met his gaze. His brown eyes seemed to swallow her. His lips moved gently against her finger in a soft kiss. "We did both understand, Willow. I don't want to be weird Uncle Xander." 

"What do you want to be?" 

"Do you think she could call me Dad?" 


End file.
